The Arrow (Part 1)
I explain in analogies. For me it feels more precise. It is easier for me to use examples of words to describe how I am feeling because most of the time I don’t know these feelings, but I sure as fuck feel them. A few years ago, when I started this chapter of my entire quest of finding happiness, and peace. I was not entirely sure what exactly that meant, and I was not prepared for this venture in life. And this analogy hit me.
The arrow.
You know that feeling when you feel stuck, maybe in a holding pattern, or maybe even pulled back, but you know. You feel something is imminent. You know it deep in your bones. And when it comes, whoa, better fuckin buckle up buttercup, because you’ll fall off this speeding freight train if you don’t feel or see it coming. Almost every time I’ve felt this, it hit, it collided at full throttle with a vengeance. You have very little time to think, no time to plan. You have to just go and do. And if you don’t then you may get run over, left behind, and ended up battered and confused and wondering what the fuck just happened.
Imagine being the kickoff returner catching the ball in the end zone. You know you’re gonna run like hell for as far as you can, but shit just starts coming at you left and right. Defenders coming full steam at all angles. Sometimes you get tackled right away. Perhaps you get a good run of it. And in some rare moment you get a touchdown. But when you have a basic understanding, you can learn to play game. You dodge. You stiff-arm. You get amazing hops and jump over the guy trying to take your legs out. You swirl out of a hit. And then your team shows up, helping block. And once in a while, against all odds, you make the touchdown.
But sometimes the people you thought were teammates really aren’t. They stand there pretending they didn’t see the defender coming as they stand over you content to watch you fall. They secretly wanted you tackled. Or they tied a string to your back so you wouldn’t fly, they did not want to see you soar and shine bright. And that’s when my arrow falls short. It’s like an arrow starting to fly, then getting yanked mid-air with a violent jolt.
I have always known the feeling, I knew a shift was coming. But I wasn’t observant enough to understand. I didn’t know what I was supposed to watch for. I just braced for impact. I couldn’t see the full field, didn’t have the bird’s-eye view. And my arrows just kept falling short.
Curious minds want to know …. this song, have you heard it?
Author: Ellie Wilde / Grizzly Hippie Journal Series
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