Fear and Curiosity
Halloween is one of my favorite holidays.
Not because of all the scary stuff - I am actually not a fan of the scary shit at all.
I used to be one of those people who weren’t a fan of that holiday in general. One, because of all the scary things people said about it. I mean - the boogeyman and monsters came out on this night, and I grew up in the era when checking your candy for razor blades became a thing.
I remember when the older people in the neighborhood couldn’t bake special treats to hand out anymore because it wasn’t safe. Man… mmmm… those candy popcorn balls, caramel apples, cookies – poof, gone. They were thoughtful, cheaper options, and delicious, but they were made to stop because it wasn’t “safe.”
Mostly, though, I didn’t like this holiday because I was taught it was a night of evil - bad things happened, bad things came out. It wasn’t a safe night.
The more I think about this, the more I wonder why I didn’t question the holiday sooner. Even back then, I questioned everything - except traditions, customs, or beliefs handed down.
I wasn’t a hermit on this day. Yea, I dressed up and had fun, always wearing something cheerful… but I was always anxious.
Why?
Because I was taught to be fearful of a day? Why were we taught to be so fearful?
I didn’t question this again until my more recent years, but I do remember one of the first times I did question it - in one of those random 2 A.M. thoughts: why do people even dress up on Halloween?
I sleep much better now than I did back then, but I sure do miss those all-night rabbit holes learning random shit that was just interesting to know.
When my kids were young, I had rules for this holiday — they could dress up, but nothing scary. And my number one rule: Don’t fucking scare little kids! Don’t ruin it for them before they even get a chance to decide for themselves.
This came from one year when my girls were little and a neighbor — one of those “go all out” types — dressed up as a witch. Great costume: makeup, warts, wiry wig, the works. But she thought it would be funny to come running out of the side bushes toward my girls in the dark, cackling like the best horror movie extra. It took me a few years before they trusted this holiday again.
Well, one particular year, later down the road, my daughter wanted to add a “scary” element to her costume. I can’t even remember which kid it was or what the costume was, but that night I remember thinking - why do kids even dress up in the first place?
I needed a good explanation for why she couldn’t dress scary. Lucky me, I’d taught my kids to be curious and ask why. Never to challenge, but to genuinely understand. Well - maybe to challenge a little if it smelled fishy - but if a solid, real answer given, and it made sense to them, they would leave it alone. And that was a fair question as to why they couldn't dress scary.
In traveling down this rabbit hole, I learned it went back to Celtic times.
Wait… what?
I’d heard a phrase before - “the veil is thin on this night”. I just lumped it in with hocus-pocus, mumbo-jumbo stuff but I really never paid attention to that stuff.
I assumed that’s what people meant by monsters and demons and evil walking among us. I knew the holiday had a more sinister connotation, and that made sense.
But then I found out it actually began as a celebration of the last harvest before winter - and they wore costumes to ward off ghosts.
Hmmmmm. Okay. I’m intrigued.
It’s a much older tradition than I ever expected. I didn’t dig deeper down that rabbit hole because I didn’t know the right questions to ask yet. I just read until I had my basic answers - bonfires, celebrations, costumes, staying unseen - I realized it really didn’t start as anything sinister.
But after chewing on it all, I became a fan of the holiday. I guess because I was good at blending in.
And as a mom, I felt that whether I believed it or not, I’d do all I could to keep my kids safe. lol … but I liked the idea that we wouldn’t be “seen” if it appeared we were like "them" on this night.
At that point in time, I had two kids still under five - the others in elementary and middle school - and that’s when I began making the transition from tolerating to loving and embracing Halloween.
Halloween has now become one of my favorite holidays. It brought so much more meaning, context, memories, and feelings soaked in - marinated with learning different cultures’ beliefs about this day.
Happy Halloween. 🎃
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